Stubborn or Proud? (Thank you Sarah [Sara])

Yesterday something odd happened to me that really forced me to step outside myself. My van wasn't starting so Brendan couldn't pick me up from class, forcing me to roll home. Which obviously isn't that big of a deal but there happened to be two obstacles for me. One was it was raining and the other was that my straw wasn't working 100%, making it hard to drive and significantly slowing down how fast I can safely travel.

So the first thing that happened was about a 1/3 of the way through my roll a student stopped and pulled his headphones out and walked over to me. He asked me if I needed anything. I wasn't shivering, speeding, or looking distressed in anyway. He simply saw a random person who he thought might need help, so he offered his assistance. Not thinking about it I asked him to put my iPad in my backpack and then we went our separate ways. I thought about asking him to walk with me incase my wheelchair fucked up and I needed someone to bail me out but I didn't want to inconvenience him. Although I doubt he would have seen it that way.

Next I get a text from Brendan, “if it starts raining bad just wait it out in doors.” I don’t reply because I'm driving (remember children, don't text and drive) but in my head I think “fuck that, if I was walking I'd press on, so I'll press on now.” I don't know if it was the male ego or my longing for independence or a little of both that so firmly planted this thought in my head but it was stuck there. But not even that forced me to come out of my comfort zone. I was willing to be wet, freezing, and risk my chair spazzing out on me just to be Blood Tyler for 10 more minutes.

What really forced me outside of my comfort zone was a sweet freshman named Sarah. Now anyone who has spent time with me knows I do two things religiously. I avoid approaching strangers and I try to avoid being a burden. Well this girl forced me to be both. While at the same time, making me realize I'm not a burden and that you don't always have to avoid strangers.

I see Sarah walking and instantly notice she's cute. So what? There's tons of cute girls on campus, so I just keep on rolling. Sarah (or Sara, idk) gets about 50 feet ahead of me before she turns around and heads my way. Now anyone who has spent a week in high school knows how embarrassing it is to be walking one direction by yourself, just to have to backtrack. However this doesn't seem to bother Sarah (Sara). She just flips a Uee (???) and walks my way. Still I don't think about it.

Now what Sarah (Sara) does next really surprises me. She offers to share her umbrella with me. She honestly feels bad that she's walking with a hooded raincoat and an umbrella and I'm rolling by myself in just a long sleeve shirt. What the hell? People aren't that good. The first words out of my mouth are “no thank you.” In a more eloquent way than that but you get it. The reason this was my response is because I had a shotgun blast of thoughts running through my head: “your chair could mess up and hit her”, “you don't want to slow her down”, “don't force a stranger to keep you dry if you wouldn't let your friends do it”.

All these thoughts just hit me like a ton of bricks. Her response was just how bad she felt for me. Not that I was in a wheelchair but because I was suffering because I couldn't protect myself from the elements like she could. So naturally my next thought was, “you dick. That couldn't have been easy for her to do and you just basically flicked her to the side, despite how polite you are.” So now I have to do my least favorite thing, leave the safety of my bubble.

So now I speed up to catch her and grateful accept her assistance. She happily holds her umbrella over me and pops her hood up, in order to shield herself from the rain. We slowly move through campus holding casual conversation. Eventually the rain stops and the sun comes out. She continues to walk with me and talk until we come to our separation in the road and continue on with our days. We didn't exchange numbers, emails, or last names. We were just to people existing on the same path until our paths diverged.

So I guess I'm writing this to say thank you to you Sarah (Sara). I don't know if you'll ever read this but thank you. Thank you for sharing your umbrella with me. Thank you for treating me like a human. But most importantly thank you for teaching me I'm not an inconvenience or a burden. I'm sure I have a long way to go before I fully accept that but at least it feels good to accept it today.

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