Top 16

Let me start this post by apologizing for not having written in a while. I've just been busy with school and haven't taken the time to sit down and write. However, I do have a couple posts locked away in my head that I will be bringing to you shortly.

However, I'm forcing myself to write this right now because I had a little bit of a surreal moment last night and I need to share with you guys.

So last week an organization called Campus Moviefest came to UNC. What they do is provide professional film equipment so that you can make a short film in a week. Then you submit it and you compete with other students on campus. After all of the films are submitted they take the top 16 and give them screening on campus. Then the top four go to nationals and have an opportunity to be shown at camp.

As a wannabe screenwriter, this was obviously a huge opportunity for me. I already had a script in my mind, so I just punched that out in a little bit less than an hour and I was ready to go. However, as anyone who has made a movie I'm sure can tell you, it didn't go quite as planned. I was really struggling to find actors, directors, basically just a whole crew. Luckily, I had some people in town visiting me and Brendan that I could make my actors.

Next was finding someone to direct it. So I used the contact list from an on-campus group called the Carolina Film Association and found someone who was interested in directing it. All that was left was to shoot it and edit it. A.k.a., the easy stuff.

The shooting went great! It was an amazing experience. I got to have a lot of fun just dicking around with three of my best friends. It wasn't high stress. after we finished filming we went to the UNC versus UVA football game and pass the film off to my director and producer to edit it.

I have to admit that we did kind of rush it at the end because we were trying to make it to the football game. Anyways, I get the film back a couple days later and I'm not terribly happy with it. It wasn't bad but after watching it I just felt as though I hadn't put my best effort forward. That obviously bummed me out. It also made me feel bad because I felt selfish. I had so much fun making this film with some of the people I care about mouse and I wasn't happy with it? How is that fair.

It only got worse from there. So last night was the on campus screening. They didn't tell us if our film was going to make it. You just had to show up and find out. Since I didn't feel great about myself I didn't want to go. This was the first time I have actually competed in something since I got injured. I worked hard and put myself out there and it hurt thinking that I didn't work hard enough to succeed. As I told my mom, "this isn't a charity kickball game, this was a real game with real opportunities."

However, I forced myself to go because a buddy of mine had also made a film that was really damn good and I wanted to support him. So now I'm sitting at this competition alone having to be happy for my friend for his success while at the same time stewing in my own disappointment that I didn't do what I felt was the necessary amount of work to win. But I sacked up and stayed anyways.

As I'm sitting in the lecture hall feeling sorry for myself, I see a screenshot of my film come across the screen. Now I'm nervous. I'm afraid that they are going to show my film and that it's not going to be good. I'm going to have to sit in this lecture hall and listen to crickets for five minutes as the film skids to a stop. All this does is make me want to leave more. The only thing that keeps me there is the thought that at least if it sucks I still probably have the most attractive crew. So at least I can get an award for that.

Again I stay. They start screening the different films and all I can think is, "great. All these films are better than mine." They're showing the top 16 films in blocks of four. The first block goes by, "okay, I'm safe." The second block goes by and my film still hasn't been plenty. I'm thinking I'm still unclear. Up comes the third block. Films one, two, and three all go and they are all fantastic. Just one more film and I'm through the block. Film four shows up, "Over the Shoulders." FUCK!!!

All I can think now is how much I regret putting myself in the film. At least if it sucked and I wasn't in the film people would never know it was mine. But I just had to use myself in the film. There's no way I was going to be able to get out of this without being noticed. So now it's time to just suck it up. Time to bite the bullet and just pray that things go well.

To my surprise, people are actually laughing. They are really enjoying it, and to my surprise so am I. Then the montage comes. That's when my heart drops because i know that my scene is coming up. Now bear in mind, my scene wasn't written into the script. I came up with it the day of filming and Cody and I just improvised the scene. So it's fair of me to think it's not going to go well.

But people actually loved it. I had strangers coming up to me at the end telling me, "that I killed it, and "that I was the real MVP." Someone even called me "a good actor." I was baffled. People were so kind and impressed with the film that I was borderline embarrassed of. Naturally, I text my mom and tell her everything.

I told her, "mine made the top 16. Even though it's still not as good as I'd have liked." Her response was not something I wasn't expecting. I was expecting some Hallmark card about "being proud of yourself" or "you did the best you can." But then I remembered I was talking to my mom and got a much more insightful response than I could imagine, which may come off as simple to some of you but is incredibly meaningful to be.

"You get that from your dad. Thank him for that drive and insatiability. It's what will take you to the next levels and beyond."

I haven't been so passionate about something that it made me this unstable in a long time. Which only made the insatiability more extreme. So coming out successful was a huge thing for me. I still didn't make top four, which pisses me off. If I'm going to be in the top 16, I might as well be at the top 4. At least when I was being self deprecative I had no expectations to be in the top 16.

Now all I can think about is what my old baseball coach told me, "second place is just the first loser." I know it's not that extreme but still. I like to have been the best. Hopefully Campus Moviefest comes back next year so I can make the top four then.

I'd like to use the end of this post to give a huge shout out and congratulations to Stuart Schrader and his crew for their film "Of Princes." I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little jealous of the guys but I also couldn't be happier for you!

If you want to check out Stuart's film you can check it out on his YouTube channel at https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ApVsgorZyMs&feature=youtu.be

If you want to watch more films created by UNC students check out this link! www.campusmoviefest.com/festivals/535-unc-chapel-hill

And finally, if you want to see my film here is where you need to go! If you made it this far on this long ass post, thank you very much! www.campusmoviefest.com/movies/44832-over-the-shoulders

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P.S. If the links don't work please comment. I will also be posting them on Facebook!

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